Where Is Love?

What if you haven’t found love in your life or you haven’t found a man you trust or like or love enough to marry?

What if you feel despairing of ever finding a guy who will fall in love with you?

And what if you’re trying to make a guy fall in love with you and you’re simply not succeeding?

Well, to start with you might want to consider whether the beliefs you hold about yourself (or about love and relationships) are preventing you from getting into a long-term relationship with a guy.

Some of the most common reasons why women don’t find marriage or a long-term relationship are so commonplace that you might be surprised when you read them.

Others are more complicated, more subtle, coming out of what’s called the Shadow – the part of yourself that you don’t want to face up to, and and perhaps don’t even want to admit exists inside you.

Looking at your shadow can produce massive improvements in the quality of your life and your relationships. It might even be the step you need to take to be able to form a truly loving relationship with a man.

But that’s up to you. What we’re going to do here is look at some of the most common beliefs women hold, beliefs which prevent them getting into loving relationships.

First of all, some women treat men as though they are more superior than themselves, and some women treat men as though they are lesser beings than themselves.

In reality,  regarding yourself as either more superior or inferior to a man is no basis whatever for entering into a relationship.

In fact, such an attitude is going to stop you getting into a meaningful relationship, because when you believe other people are more important or less important than you are, you can never meet them truly from a heart-centred space as an equal.

Another reason why some women have difficulty finding a soulmate or partner who they can love and settle down with is that they’re working from the premise that a guy will come along who is going to love them “just the way they are” – but there’s a fallacy here.

Surely what you need is a partner who will not merely accept you as you are, but who will draw out the best in you, raise you by his very presence up into the most sovereign energy you can experience, the most expansive personal power you have available to you. 

A third reason, which you might recognize, is that there is a desire in you to give over part of the control of your life to somebody else.

You can call this “being rescued” if you want, because it comes to the same thing. It represents a lack of power in you, a lack of personal firepower, the sort of power that would enable you to go out into the world as a strong, intelligent, worthwhile and fully actualized human being.

If you feel like this about yourself, you might have some personal development work to do! That won’t stop you getting into a relationship, but it might mean that the relationship you get into isn’t going to be your “forever together” relationship with the guy who’s going to settle down with, you marry you, and love you forever. Rather, it might be just an interim step to that long term bond.

Next? Well, some women seem to believe that love is a fantasy, and that the level of shame and fear, depression and lack of hope that they experience in everyday life is an indicator that nothing can possibly ever go well.

These women (and many men, of course) do indeed believe “life’s a bitch and then you die”.

But if you have this kind of negativity inside yourself, it’s merely indicative of the emotional wounds you’ve collected in life, and all it means is that you need to do some personal development work with a therapist or counselor.

Another? Well, you might be fixated on the idea of being “married with kids” by a certain age – and of course if you’re doing this, you’re not being attentive to your true needs: to find a good enough man who can love you, bring out the best in you, and be alongside you, in a relationship of strength and honesty.

A sixth reason why some people fail to form a relationship is because they have problems around sex and sexuality. Yes, that will stop a guy falling for you – he’ll smell your fear of sex a mile away.

Ask yourself if you have guilt or shame around sex. Perhaps you fear men or fear sex? If so, find a way of dealing with the problem. See a sex therapist, for example

A seventh reason for the absence of love in your life might be that you’re addicted to being in control, that you’re frightened to let go, to surrender to life (or to the arms of a man who loves you).

Yet maintaining control like this is indicative of many things: fear, perhaps, or not feeling good enough, certainly.

Whatever the cause, being addicted to control means that you can’t relax into the natural space of femininity which is your birthright. 

That is a space where you are a Goddess, a Creator, and a High Priestess who deserves to be loved. In short, to put it another way, if you don’t know the power of your Queen, you’ll never find your King. 

And lastly, perhaps you’re disconnected from your feelings, or you don’t share them openly. Maybe you don’t even know what they really are?

If that’s true, then you certainly know won’t know what your feelings and intuition are telling you about your relationship to love, and in particular about your ability to find someone who will fall in love with you.